Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Where it all began.... part 2 Update on the Children situation....

Its been a long 2 years since I married Bob, and time has just flown by..... a contadiction I know, but life is one big contradiction :)

Today is July 22 2009

The childrens dad was up before the judge today.... He got probation. I dont know how he managed that, he's already on parole, but hey, what do I know about american law!

He hasnt called yet. The only reason we know whats happened is because we checked the court records online... its the only way we find anything out.

So, now we're back in limbo again. Unable to make any arrangements for the kids (or plans for ourselves) because we have less than no idea how much longer they're going to be here. Their father could call tomorrow and say he's on his way to collect them and that would be that. On the other hand (and much more likely) we wont hear from him for a couple more months and then he'll make more excuses as to why he hasnt been in touch, make the kids more promises about what he's going to buy them when they go back there and then he'll forget about them for a little while longer. After all, he doesnt have the responsibility of little kids to look after so he can do what he wants when he wants. We're the ones that cant do anything or go anywhere without having to think about the kids first..... and they're not even ours!!

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Where it all began

I find it hard to beleive that next year I'll be 50 years old...... how the heck did THAT happen???????

I was born in England. A little town called Bawtry on the South Yorkshire border. Tho until the mid 70s South Yorkshire was known as The West Riding of Yorkshire.

Being a child of the 60s (tho that is open to debate, My husband says I'm a child of the 70s because thats when I was in my teens!!) I've seen a lot of changes over the years. Flower Power, Color TV, Man on the Moon, LCD watches and the explosion of the micro chip technology.... and boy did it explode, but if it hadnt I wouldnt be sat here writing this, and you wouldnt be sat there reading it :)

My mother, who's 75 this year (and also wondering how the heck that happened LOL) is a techno junkie. She has always been facinated by technology and has to have the latest gadgets. Its down to her that I ended up on the web. She had a pc long before I did, and I would go visit so that I could use yahoo chat and icq...
Eventually in 1999 I bought my very first pc and retired the old atari st to the black hole in the cupboard forever.

Over the years I've met a lot of different people from different backgrounds, and some of these have become long term friends who I hold dear. Infact, I met my husband in room 28 40s on yahoo chat. Who'd have thought it.... forget the mail brides... I got myself my very own email husband lol

I first started talking to Bob late 1999. He was one of the regulars in room 28, he was funny and charming and never inappropriate, but for a long time he was just 'one of the regulars' I dont know what happened to change that, or exactly when it changed, but eventually.... after talking on the net and the phone and exchanging emails, I moved to NC and we got married May 18 2007.

Life has a way of throwing us a curve ball. Just when you think you know which way your life is heading that curve ball hits you and everything changes. Things were no different in 2007.

I was a new wife of just 5 weeks, getting used to living in a new coutry and adjusting to driving on the wrong side of the road. Looking forward to a relativly peaceful existance in my later years, after all, I'm rapidly approaching 50, my only daughter is grown up with a child of her own. I'd done my bit, right? It was time for me to find time for me... right??????

Wrong....... (incoming curve ball!!!!!!!!!)

We got a call, asking for help. My brother in law was in jail(He'd been there about a year) and we got a call saying that his young children weren't being cared for properly by their mother who was on hard drugs, and could we take them in for a few months until their father got out of jail. They were just 8 and 2 yrs old. They needed to be somewhere safe and if we didnt take them they would be split up and put in care by DCYF.

I cant deny that I felt a huge pang of guilt taking in kids that I didnt know and, apart from my very recent marriage, had no connection to. My daughter and grandson lived with me in the UK and I worried that D would think I had deserted him just to replace him with some other kids. I called England.......

I have never been more proud of my then 9yr old grandson than during that phone call. I had told him what was happening with the children up in RI, and asked him how he felt about us taking them in, explaining that I was in no way trying to replace him. His reply choked me with pride.. " Nanna, you love me. I know that, and my mum loves me and looks after me. You have to go get them and make them safe. Little children should be safe. Besdies, I'm irreplaceable (laugh)" I came off that phone call in tears.

We got the kids....

What should have been 7 or eight months soon turned into a year. That year has turned into 2 years. We still have the children. Their father got out of jail in november 2008, and had to do a 3 month program in RI before he could come and get the children ... we heard from him less than when he was locked up. He never sent the kids anything for christmas not even a christmas card. I was expecting him to call early christmas morning so he could share some of the childrens excitement. I was wrong.... it was 3:15 that afternoon before he called... he was with the childrens mother... both of them spoke to both children, and he spoke to my husband... the call lasted 9 minutes in total!!!!! Yeh.. Happy Christmas Kids. It didnt really bother M, she was only 2 when she came to stay with us, so she isnt really phased by whats happening with hr parents, but it upsets J... He was 9 and his dad had made him promises about how good things were going to be when he got out of jail, and now he didnt even have time to talk to him.

Their dad called back on 28th December (with their mother again) and they spoke to J for a fwe minutes. M was already in bed by the time they called :( New years came and went.... no call from the parents to wish their kids happy new years. Then january 9th came, J's 10th birthday. Turning 10 is a landmark.... double figures. It should be special.... There was no card in the mail, no present and he went all day without a phonecall..... Until 7.45pm. His dad called him. Didnt speak to him very long (boy thats a shock!!) I found out later that the only reason he's called was because my husband had phoned him and told him to, but J doesnt need to know that.

M's birthday is just 3 days later, on the 12th. again no card, no present, and this time no phone call either!!! Fortunately she didnt even notice.

The origional arrangement when he got out of jail was that when his 3 month program was up the childrens dad would come and get them..... That deadline was February 17th, it was approaching fast, but we were at the end of January and hadnt heard from him for almost 3 weeks and M hadnt talked to him since December 28th....... this is a man who used to say his kids were his world, and he cant even pick up a phone to call them!

Now, 6 months after getting out he was back in jail. We dont know how long for yet. He's on remand for now. His trial is late July